How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
