STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
