I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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