Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
