Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
