I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
