An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
