I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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