I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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