I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
