yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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