Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
