You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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