i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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