Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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