party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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