walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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