Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
