Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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