Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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