You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
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What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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