Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
