I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
