We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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