i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I look better un-naked...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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