Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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