there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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