I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
