dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
