using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
