swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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