But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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