Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
