im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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