Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
