i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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