Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
