Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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