I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
