Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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