I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
