party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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