Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
