Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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