I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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