you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
