i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
