the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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