So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
