I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
