I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
