My hand turned me down
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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