Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
