Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
