Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
