Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
