i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
