am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
