I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just cropdusted the office
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
