my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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