My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
