I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
