some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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