I am spending my child support on dildos
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
