Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
