I could have mohawked her pubes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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