I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
