The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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