It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She told me I should be a condom model.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
