Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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