Kiss
Puke
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
