i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
