So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
