he wants to bone in the snuggie
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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