After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
