Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
