Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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