I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
