Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
